Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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