dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
