my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
