Whod you bang
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
