wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
