Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
