omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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