She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
