like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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