Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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