I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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