I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize