What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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