literally had 100 drinks last night.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
