I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
