Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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