I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
