I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
