There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize