she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Randomize
