Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
