Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize