I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
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