There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
