I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
