So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
