i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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