Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
