He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize