Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
