To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
you had me at cake vodka
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
