Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
