Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
love makes seman taste better
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Houston, we have a blender
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
