I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
