sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
