Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
