my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
why is half of my head shaved?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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