she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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