I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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