Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize