Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
