My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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