Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
