I cockslap morals
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize