i think my mom watched the whole time
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize