u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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