it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
