New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
