Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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