"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
