I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
