I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
