I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
