Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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