Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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