btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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