I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
