Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
