Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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