Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
