She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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