like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
