A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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