I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
