Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
why do cheetos always look like penises
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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