If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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