I just cut my nipple shaving
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize